Dear Saint Augustine. We believe that having a female Pope is a great idea, and we give thanks to God for her. Equality is an important lesson in the Bible and of Jesus, and finally the Church is following that lesson. We only hope that the next Pope will be gay – then we will feel that there is equality.

Venerable Saint Lazarus. After waiting for so many years, finally there is a female Pope. Praise Jesus! Glory to God! We have read and written so many feminist books, and finally, you have heard our prayers. Thank you! We will not let you down!