The present retablo serves to express my gratitude to the Virgin of San Juan for saving me from the fire at my land caused by that son of a bitch Holy Heart.

May 18, 1979

I was at the slaughter in Ciudad Juarez on April 2 and survived because I hid myself under the corpse of the Immaculate Conception who took all the bullets shot at me. I thank you, the Pure, for protecting me from certain death.

April 10, 1996

I think the Holy Virgin of Guadalupe because I remembered to buy oil while at the groceries’ cashier. Because otherwise I would’ve returned home, and would’ve seen that I didn’t have oil, and I would’ve had to go out again.

October 23, 1988

I publicly thank Saint Francis for helping me to hold my door while I was jerking off so my mother wouldn’t come and take me by surprise in the midst of my routine.

February 7, 2012