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I give thanks to you, Saint Christopher, patron of travelers, for granting me a trip to the beach with my friends. We arrived well and not one bastard cop nor any soldiery stopped us or told anything about being hairy in our manner at the beach. Thank you for that, Saint Christopher. We all need to go to the sea.

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Virgin of San Juan, I bring you this retablo in gratitude for granting me the miracle of saving my baby, when I fell down the stairs and went urgently to the hospital. We are safe and healthy thanks to the medics.

Juanita
Lagos de Moreno, Jalisco, Mexico
May 10, 2003

Saint Sebastian, I thank you because I’m alright now after that tremendous beating a client gave me when he realized that I’m not a woman. He dragged me naked out of the hotel and whacked me. In that mortal danger, I implored you begging to save my life.

Armando “La Paola”
Tlalpan, Mexico City, May 12, 2000

Teodoro Martinez has a relationship with two Venusians. We are deeply in love, and they came to live in my house.

Oaxaca, September 9, 1969

Martha Larios and Leonora Perez are very grateful for living together and very happy, in spite of public shaming. You gave us strength to go on and show that we love each other.

CDMX, 2021

Virgin of San Juan, I’m eternally grateful and dedicate you the present retablo for saving me from losing my left titty. It wasn’t cancer, and I avoided a surgery.

Señora Juana P.
Tacubaya, Mexico City, May 10, 2015

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Marcos Urieta’s wife cheated on him with his friend. He did nothing to those two but threw them out naked in the street.

Mexico, 1979

I, Christofer Rodriguez, give infinite thanks to the Virgin of Guadalupe for the miracle of having a martian girlfriend who is so pretty and so hot, and she’s going to make me extraterrestrial children. Woohoo!

Mexico City, 1989

On my way back from work, I was kidnapped by some bastards. Finding myself in a deadly danger, I entrusted myself to God asking him not to let something bad happen to me. I was able to untie myself and, with their first slip-up, ran away. I didn’t care that I was naked, because in that way I saved my life.

Damaris M.
Santa Fe, Mexico, February 10, 2015

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Virgin of San Juan, I thank you for giving me strength to give birth to my son at home, because I had a premature labour and couldn’t get to the hospital.

Maricarmen, Mexico City, 10–07–1996

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In 1917, in the town of San Lucas, my buddy caught me on the mat with his wife. He started to shoot at us. I give thanks to the Virgin of Guadalupe because bullets didn’t hit me. She took them all.

Catarino M.

Virgin of Guadalupe, thank you for I didn’t sin with a very hot skeleton woman who came to me in the field. I wanted to take her in the field so bad but you delivered me from doing the bad thing.

Nicanor Lopez
Celaya, 1956

Luisa Ramos was modeling for an adult magazine, climbing on a tree. But the branch broke off, and she fell down. She thanks Saint Nicholas for she only broke her arm and will be back to her usual activities soon.