— tagged with “husbands and wives”

My husband and I were spending a night in an inn in Guanajuato to celebrate our anniversary, and it happened that the Death appeared to us. We were very frightened and prayed to the Virgin of San Juan. The Death disappeared. We thank the Holy Virgin for this horrible apparition didn’t make a deadly omen to us because we were told in the town that this room was bewitched.

I dedicate this retablo to the Holy Guardian Angel because it’s been few days since I noticed that my wife stopped hiding the tequila in the coffee can. Before she used to get drunk and we were thinking she was having breakfast with a cup of harmless and tasty coffee while it was delicious and expensive tequila she was drinking.

One night my wife who was on the sixth month of pregnancy stabbed me few times after having found out that I had been cheating on her with my friend Teresa. I give thousand thanks to Saint Gerard Mayela, the patron of the maternity, for helping me to survive this tragedy.

Your devoted Marcial A. D.
October 1, 2015

Señor F. R. and his wife thank Saint Patrick with this retablo because they finally managed to save enough money for a giant bath in which they can make love since the two of them are pretty fat.

My husband was always inventing strange devices of small practical use. But one day the circus people saw him on his monocycle with super-accelerator, and they loved it. They bought it and ordered him few more. We give thanks because with this money we could open a small groceries shop. So my husband can keep inventing his strange things, and we won’t lack money.

My husband used to have dreams about voluptuous and seductive women. He hugged the air, kissed and spoke in the dream and always had this stupid smile on his face. It drove me nuts. The horrible part was that after that he woke up in a very good mood. Then the Holy Virgin gave me an idea to take my photo in the bed. I looked very seriously in that photo, so he would know that I was watching him. It helped. My husband doesn’t hug or kiss in his sleep anymore, just grunts and murmurs something.

My husband hasn’t satisfied me lately. I prayed to the Virgin of Zapopan so that she turn him like he was before. And on 16th april he became as before. I give thanks for that.

1948

— tagged with and , #

I spoiled my dog by letting it eat from the table. When I married a marvelous woman, I was afraid she wouldn’t let the animal to eat with us. But instead, I found out she herself had two educated pigs who also eat from the table. I thank the Virgin of San Juan for we are one very happy family.

My husband was constantly playing chess with his friend Lucas who was a big love of chess also. He didn’t pay me any attention, we didn’t go out. I thank Saint Anthony for he gave me an idea to learn chess myself instead of being bored. I have become so good, I outplay my husband. Since he doesn’t like to lose, now he prefers to go out with me or to take me to the movies.

— tagged with and , #

Stop my wife from defending me when I’m losing.

El Leopardo

The Raquel Ramirez’ husband began to snore in a terrible manner. The poor woman couldn’t sleep for a whole week. Then she desperately prayed to the Virgin of the Rosary, and the merciful Virgin made the miracle. She made tea with the herbs prescribed by some nuns, and don Samuel stopped snorting eight days later. She thanks.

After turning off the lights in our bedroom, strange things began to happen. The chairs were flying around, and ghastly beings with horrible faces appeared. My husband—who fells asleep right away after putting his head on the pillow—mocked me and said that I was crazy. Until one day a bony hand took his feet and pulled him from the bed. That scared him all right, and we moved to another house. I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe because our new house is so pretty.

My wife began to eat in the bed. I hated it because there were a lot of crumbs in the bed. Also she chewed it with so much noise that I couldn’t sleep or watch TV. But the worst thing was that I was on a diet. But thanks to my prayers to the Virgin of San Juan an ant army came to our bed attracted by the food. They bit my wife so she stopped eating in bedroom.