This is San Expedito, the patron saint of procrastinators. I petition him to get shit done.

September 5, Covid-21
SF, CA.

Saint Pantaleon, thank you for health at times of pandemic but ask Saint Expeditus for help so that they would give us the vaccine or our hands become like this parchment.

Pancracio Arcos was obsessed with buying magazines with poor women—those who can’t even buy them clothes so they pose naked. He was scared seeing that all his salary goes into this and asked Sain Expeditus for help. He stopped buying them, and now he’s buying Power Rangers magazines instead.

I have always been a very serious and calm man. But when I got to my 50 I realized I hadn’t enjoyed many pleasures of life. One day I went crazy and fulfilled my fantasy of being with three women at the same time. I’m infinitely grateful to Saint Expeditus for inspiring me to do that because now, when I’m locked up inside in quarantine, it’s comforting to know that, although I was older, it was real fun.

Saint Expeditus, I ask you with this humble retablo to end this coronavirus pandemic because I miss my secretary Lucy. I cannot see her because of the quarantine, and I’m very desperate being locked in the house with my wife 24 hours a day. If it lasts any longer I’ll go insane.

Mexico, 2020

My family members criticize me for studying philosophy in the university for more than 15 years. I thank Saint Expeditus for there is this wonderful magic weed that helps me to understand the philosophic concepts. I don’t care what people say and I don’t care about studying so long because with these trips I’ll become the greatest philosopher of the new millennium.

I was poor all my life. Although I worked, the money was never enough to have a comfortable life. I was fed up with this situation. I thank Saint Expeditus because I met my Castulo. I don’t care what the people says about our big age difference. He’s rich and can give me the luxury life I always dreamt of.

Alicia N. \ Mazatlán, Sinaloa