I thank the Lord for giving me the idea to make my cow more interesting just by painting Sartre’s face on her sirloin area.

I thanks Saint Mary of the Head because, although I was born as a man, she gave me necessary strength to decide to inject hormones and to wear woman clothes, pretty much against my family wishes and especially my brothers’ will.

I dedicate this retablo to El Niñopa from Xochimilco because I can jump over any mariachi with my BMX bike thanks to him.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Martin de Porres. For a long time, I was drinking, idling about and stealing. I didn’t care about my father’s carpenter shop. So now I became a fakir. I hammer nails not in the timber, but into my tongue and my body.

Since I entrusted myself to the Miraculous Virgin, I haven’t had any problems with delivering babies. I had been out of luck before, and many of my babies had been dying. I hope my luck will keep up and I’ll get a raise in the hospital.

I thank the Virgin Mary for helping me find a lending institution with a terrific group of mortgage brokers.

I thank the Virgin because in spite of my lack of musical talent, thanks to modern technology I can sample songs and make a living out of it.

Saint Marguerite liked to wear patent leather high heels very much against the pope’s wishes.

We thank Virgin Mary for those phenomenal Italian neorealism movies.

I thank Saint Katherine because I found an original William Burroughs’ unpublished manuscript at a yard sale in Tangier.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Francis of Paola because at my debut night in the Savoy theatre I was frightened that there was no one in the audience. But it turned out that a very famous producer Andres M*ta bought up all tickets to my show and I had to perform only for him. Don Andres promised me that I’ll be a star and would have a tremendous success.

My second husband and I thank Saint Brigit because we won the first prize in the lottery. With the money we bought a very big and beautiful boat on which we are sailing to Puerto Vallarta.

I thank the Lord Jesus because I am almost as intelligent as my elephant.