I dedicate this retablo to the Lord because I got the most amazing bathroom with a big mirror, an armchair and even a bidet for washing the genitalia.

On behalf of myself and my friends, Hernesto and Germano, I, Rogelio Fernandez, thank Saint Rose of Lima for a necessary inspiration to create a very cute and successful travesty-act. So now we are in tour in the south of Mexico.

I thank the Virgin for the amazing patent leather boots I found at the Salvation Army Thrift Store.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Andrew, because after so many prayers and many hours working on the streets I finally managed to pay for my breast augmentation surgery. So now the other girls won’t laugh at my tits, and all clients will go straight to me.

Thanks to my sweet Saint Francis I had enough firmness to cover all my body with removable tattoos and to surprise my husband in his birthday. And now this pervert don’t want me to wash myself.

I thank the Virgin of Help, because after the cruise ship, on which I went to Cancun, took the ground and I had to spend few minutes in the water totally naked, I was saved by the boat “Esmeralda” handled by a handsome fisherman, who became my husband nine months later.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Ursula for helping me to play a bunch of Fleetwood Mac songs.

My two step-sisters and I thank the Virgin Mary Help [of Christians] because thanks to her compassion we had a splendid idea to dedicate ourselves to the female wrestling. We got lucky and we won all the fights. So now we don’t have to work as prostitutes.

Puebla, 1981

I give thanks and dedicate this retablo to the Virgin of Chapi, because, although she was hell of a broad, I resisted the temptation of abusing my sister-in-law Olga, when she fell asleep after my bachelor-party at which we both got drunk.

I thank the Lord for Maine lobster.

I dedicate this retablo to the Virgin Protectress for helping me to collect some money and buy a puppet for ventriloquism. Her name is Paulita, and I have a tremendous success with her. We have all the theaters filled where we appear with our performance of magic, dances, conjuring and mariachi music.

I immediately realized that the Shroud of Turin I bought online was a fake.

We forgot the reason we dedicating this retablo to Virgin Mary.