I offer this retablo to the Virgin Mary because I finally found a personal assistant to help me when taking a bath and with other things.

I dedicate this retablo with my picture to Saint Francis of Assisi because two days ago he helped me to find a cream to depilate these ugly hairs that grow under my armpits on my legs, my arms end even on my face.

Zamora, 1960

Please, Randall… it is my turn to hold the crucifix.

We offer this retablo to the Virgin of Lourdes for helping us to overcome our vanity, since it’s neither mine nor my twin brother Manuel’s fault that we were born so attractive and intelligent.

The Lucas family are grateful because they managed go all the way to Jalisco on their knees.

Guadalajara, March 3, 1978

Florian Schneider, from Kraftwerk, talking to Jesus about electronic music.

I, Luis Villalba Ybañez, dedicate this retablo to Saint Andrew, because, despite of not having a very beautiful voice, I managed to convince the great Moncho, «The Gipsy of the Bolero», to record a LP disc in duo with me. We perform melodic songs on the disc. Also I hope I could go on tour through all South & Central America and the Caribbean.

Moncho (The King of the Bolero, The Gipsy of the Bolero) is a famous Spanish singer of bolero.

I give infinite thanks to Saint Thomas Aquinas because thanks to his intervention I met very virile and hairy man, just as I liked them. His name is Tomas, and we perform at the theatre with our poodle Lucero.

Monterrey, August 1972

We thank Jesus because me and my brothers got a job at the nuclear power plant.

I thank the Lord Jesus for giving me the opportunity to orbit the Earth and for working for N.A.S.A.

Thanks to my Guardian Angel I was able to find an inexpensive plan with a phone company that enabled me to speak to my boyfriend’s best friend.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Isidore the Labourer. In spite of staying in the hospital with horrible pains in my liver a cause of cirrhosis, I’ve met a very pretty nurse, although she has the small head. She gives me cigars and lends me her electric shaver.

Jesus, I hope you don’t mind that instead the insipid sacramental wine, I am drinking a 2005 Egon Müller-Scharzhof Scharzhofberger Riesling from Mosel.