I dedicate this retablo to Saint Teresa for giving me an idea to sign up for Zumba aerobics class in a gym. And now, after only three months, my legs and my booty have become more firm.

I give infinite thanks to the Holy Child of Plateros for healing me after damned pain in my stomach. When I started to drink Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola the gas and the cocaine contained in these soft drinks caused a pain in my stomach. I felt myself more and more terrible and I asked the Holy Child of Plateros to heal me. Now I’m healthy again. I work in the bar in Salinas and drink only tequila.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Raymond for he gives me strength and protects me during these long nights when I have to sleep alone. I have so many naughty, filthy thoughts, but he helps me to win over the sin and to postpone my damnation.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Jude Thaddeus because the letter from this stupid Carlos, my fiancé, made me laugh so much. He wrote me about our disengagement. But he had no idea how many men went through my bed enjoying me and sipping the whiskey bought with his money.

I dedicate this retablo to the Miraculous Virgin so that one day Sarah Palin become the first woman-president of USA because she’s very beautiful and decent woman and wears glasses just like mine. Also I’ve heard she loves tacos.

I had some bad luck. I didn’t even sniff a chick for a few months. But I prayed to Saint Engratia, and I met a very hot sexy blond at a dinner. And it went very well with her.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Pancras. Thanks to him I invented a marvelous machine which makes the most delicious salami and pork sausages in Queretaro.

With the help of the Virgin Mary we became friends with three very famous wrestlers in Tampico.

We thank the Merciful Lord and dedicate him this retablo. My husband was accused in murder of our household manager as if he cut him in pieces and buried in the basement. But two agents from the precinct came over and didn’t find any clues.

Thanks to Jesus Christ I can do pretty amazing tricks with my motorcycle so I can become a motocross legend in my hometown.

I thank Saint Rita because after many prayers dressed to her we managed to buy a refrigerator. Although it’s a used one, it works just fine, like a new one. My husband and I, we watch for hours how it freezes and how beautiful it is.

Thanks to Saint Dominic for helping me to win the Toluca tennis tournament in a match against Fernando Sanchez. I was losing 6-0, 6-0 and 4-0, but then my opponent felt a spasming pain in his leg and had to retire.

This retablo, I dedicate it to Saint Benedict of Palermo for I have found a stylist who made my haircut exactly as I wanted, after I showed him a photo of my favorite actor—Leonardo di Caprio.