— tagged with “broom”

I used to drink pulque with my buddy every day, but one night that witch my mother-in-law and my wife kicked me off the bar with their brooms. I thank Saint Raymond for I didn’t become an idiot after so many blows since that old nag was absolutely furious and was hitting me with all her might. I promise to stop drinking because it’s better to not mess with these women.

Eulogio Coronel \ Teziutlan, Puebla

A crocodile got in the house, and I tried to chase him away with a broom. But my sister got a better idea of spraying insecticide in its snout. Because of the sound of the spray or just because of its bad taste—since some of it got in its mouth—but the crocodile decided to go away. We thank the Virgin of San Juan for the beast didn’t bite us.

Some gentlemen from Jalapa had to come to buy my fighting roosters. But suddenly a crocodile that was hiding in the river came out and was about to eat my roosters. I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe because I was able to drove him back to the river with my broom and it didn’t eat my animals.

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Stop my wife from defending me when I’m losing.

El Leopardo

Three beings came to my house. With a broom and your help, Holy Virgin, they were gone.

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A couple of devils were having fun molesting my cats. I thank the Virgin for giving my broom a celestial power so I could sweep those infernal creatures away and saved my cats from suffering.

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I thanks Saint Michael the Archangel for letting me join him at night and fight the evil together. He chops devils with his blazing sword, and I hit them with my broom. Together we fight for a better and cleaner world.

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Our grandmother used to chase out all our boyfriends with a broom. Also she kicked away the postman, the butcher and any other man approaching the doors of our house. We thank the Virgin of the Rosary for she finally moved out to our aunt Rosa. So now we can have boyfriends and receive the love letters from them.

Esperanza Torres loved to run in the corn field to have sex with her boyfriend, until one day they were caught by her mother. Esperanza thanks the Virgin of San Juan for her mother didn’t tell about it to her father and for now she is engaged.

The neighbor’s dogs came and eat up the dinner that I was preparing, while I went to answer the phone. I was very angry and I began kicking them out with a broom. But then I saw their hungry faces, and it touched my heart. Now I bring the leftovers to the patio so the dogs could eat, because my neighbor starves them.

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I came back from my aunt earlier than I had thought and I caught my husband in our bed hugging this shameless dressmaker Rosa. I wanted to kill them with the kitchen knife, but the Virgin of San Juan retained my hand. I thank the Virgin because I didn’t commit a murder. But I took the broom and gave the bastards a good trashing though.

A strange giant bird with teeth came every night to eat my chicken and rabbits. I protected them with the broom, but when I went to sleep, the bird always managed to stole some animals. I prayed to the Virgin of Guadalupe, and thanks to her intervention that prehistoric bird left my animals in peace and went back to the mountains where it had come from.

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