My TV began to have a lot of static. It was impossible to watch it. I went up to the roof to see what happened to the TV antenna. There I discovered a lot of martians. They had landed on my roof and used the antenna as surveillance tower. I thank the Virgin of Zapopan for my cat is very curious. It followed me, and when the martians saw the cat, they escaped out of fear of being eaten. Now my TV works better than ever.

The boy Manuel thanks the Virgin of Guadalupe for El Mistico won over Doctor Wagner at the Arena Mexico. The boy’s father had promised him that, if El Mistico would win, he would take Manuel to see every fight of his idol.

A horde of squirrels invaded the people’s houses. They were eating all the food, but the worst part was that they were smashing and dropping everything around. But thanks to our prayers to Saint Francis, a new restaurant with delicious food was opened in our town. So the squeamish squirrels lost their interest in our houses and went to destroy the restaurant.

Sometimes I like to put women’s clothes on. I love the feeling of soft cloth on my skin, I love the shine of the jewels, the colors and the aroma of the cosmetics. And I love how it affects and transforms all my body. I thank the Virgin for an understanding wife, who has no problem with me using her clothes. Also because of that I buy her more dresses and shoes, and she knows that I have a very good taste.

The Garza Garcia girls were becoming old maids. Marta and Luisa were about 30, and Rosa was going to be 31. They were so distressed, so they prayed to Saint Anthony. They prayed novena to get married. Saint Anthony heard their prayer and worked a miracle, so all three of them got married.

My husband started to catch mermaids. I was very jealous seeing how beautiful they were. But when he saw that these damned gluttons were eating all his fish yield so he was left with nothing to sell, my husband finally came to his senses and released the mermaids back in the sea. I thank Saint Raphael, protector of the fishermen.

After a horrible fight, my girlfriend Rosita left me and went into the convent. Since I loved her so much and wanted to be with her, I prayed to the Holy Child of Atocha so that he would help me to turn her back. And thanks to him Rosita didn’t like staying in the convent at all. She was given too many work to do and the food over there was terrible. So she left the convent and forgave me.

The Death on her steed started to chase us, when we were coming back home late at night. More we ran from it, closer it got. Suddenly the sky was split apart, and Saint Michael Archangel with his shiny sword went towards the Death, barring its way. Thanks to his intervention, we managed to escape and lock ourselves in the house. We give thanks.

Saint Sebastian is praying for our sins.

Chuchito Rendon got drunk and went to sleep into the concrete mixer. The next day, he was mixed. He thanks the Holy Child of Atocha because the mixer was stopped in time, although he got out all covered in his vomit.

A crazy woman, who kept saying she loved me, attacked me and Lucia on the day of our wedding. She arrived and wanted to kill me, but thanks to the Holy Spirit she was stopped in time. My Lucia had only some scratches and fainted out of fear.

I dedicate this retablo to Saint Andrew, because after so many prayers and many hours working on the streets I finally managed to pay for my breast augmentation surgery. So now the other girls won’t laugh at my tits, and all clients will go straight to me.

I thank Saint Jude because my boyfriend Juan Bueno finally found the viagra at the Lagunilla market.

Dulce Amable