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Ruperto Pacheco was spying on the communal commissioner’s daughter while she was swimming in the river. But the branch broke off, and he fell into the water. He thanks Saint Elias with this retablo for he didn’t drown and the girl didn’t accuse him.

Chiautempan, 1920

I was coming back from the Xochimilco market in my boat feeling very happy because I had bought at a very good price five beautiful piglets to start breeding pigs with. My boat was old and quite damaged, so it started drowning because of the big weight. My piglets and I started drowning also. Thanks to the miracle of the Virgin of Zapopan—whom I’m very devoted to—we managed to float until we were saved by a tourist trajinera-boat. Although I lost my boat, I’m grateful that we are still alive and didn’t drown.

We were dragged by the current when the river burst its banks and flooded the town. We implored the Virgin of Guadalupe to protects us from this tragedy. I managed to climb a tree and saved my family from dying drowning. More people who were in danger sent to us by the nature were saved. The Virgin protected us. I bring this retablo, eternally thankful.

Thankful family, Chiapas, 2007

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I was hanging my laundry on when my daughter went to the river and was taken by the current. I thank the Virgin of Zapopan because a dog appeared from nowhere and brought my daughter to the shore. After that the dog ran away. I know that dog was an angel sent by the Virgin to save my daughter.

One night I went to the river, and an ugly beast came out there. But the Virgin protected me.

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I went for a walk with my two suitors. I stumbled and accidentally fell into the river. The suitors ran to help me but since they both wanted to be a hero they pulled me in different directions. Finally, thanks to the miracle of the Virgin of Guadalupe I managed to get out by myself and didn’t drown. Then I decided to not go out with any of these idiots.

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My children went to swim to the river. But suddenly a strong current under the mountain dragged them down to the river. I ran along the river frightened that I might lose them out of sight. I thank Saint Barbara because she put a fallen branch on their way. They managed to grab on it and then get out just very frightened of what happened.

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July 12, 1957, Gertrudis Sanchez brought her two daughters to the river to refresh. Suddenly two enormous beasts came out of the plants. They started to growl at them. Gertrudis was scared for her girls, so she invoked the Virgin of San Juan for help. The Virgin worked the miracle, and the beasts disappeared. Gertrudis thanks with the present retablo.

Veracruz, Mexico, 1957

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It was very hot, and the *** sisters went to the river to refresh. Then they noticed a pair of crocodiles approaching toward them. They were scared and implored Saint Quiteria. Thanks to her a young man who was spying on the sisters came to save them.

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When I went to take a swim in the river, I was caught by a strange plant. It entangled me and I couldn’t liberate from it. I was afraid it could be a carnivorous plant, so I prayed to the Virgin of Guadalupe. Thanks to her I finally got free and wasn’t devoured by this strange plant.

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Enrique Fernandez loved to spy on his cousins swimming in the river until one day he was caught and given what he deserved. He thanks Saint Charbel for he wasn’t kicked out and promises to behave well.

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I, Timoteo Rodriguez Garcia, and his relatives dedicate this retablo because we almost drown in the strong current trying to cross the Rio Bravo following the American Dream before Donald Trump would build the wall. Crazy fucked up gringo, racist, ku-klux-klan, his whole country is Mexico, bald fatso. Long live the Mexican workers!

Los Angeles, California
June 18, 2017

July 23, 1955, the river broke its banks, and Maria de la Luz Garcia and her son couldn’t get back home. She thanks the Virgin of San Juan for they didn’t parish and didn’t drown during the thunderstorm because doña Gertrud’s let them spend a night at her kitchen. She sat them closer to the fire so they would dry and have some soup and coffee.