Thank you God because you helped me to go through this difficult time after the rape. When I was scared of so much pain you brought me to know these people who supported me in my abortion. I’m feeling much better now because they treated me very well and the lady doctor who attended me was very kind. Thanks to everybody I can keep on going to school.

Lucy, 15 years — Chiapas

Honorina Carrasco dedicates this retablo because when I entered the bathroom I found my old man in the bath with a martian gay and kicks him out with a stick.

Mexico, 1988

I thank Saint Michael for not letting me assault my wife when I went on a drinking spree.

Juan Espina
Michoaca, Mexico, 1904

I dedicate this retablo and entrust this precious woman to the Holy Cross. Although she was a whore, she gave her life for the cause of the Mexican revolution. She died brutally slaughtered but taking out many federals with her.

Marieta, don’t be flirty
Because men are very bad
They promise lots of gifts
And what they give are pure hits.

Chihuahua, 1912

To Jesus Malverde I give thanks for surviving a conflict in Culiacan.

Roger Medina

Juaquina Carrion ran into her old man sleeping and beat him up. She kicked him so bad she thought he’d die. She prayed the Virgin of San Juan and her old man got cured. She thanks for that although he keeps on loafing.

Puebla, 1920

Bar “Come again”

I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe for the miracle of saving my life when my buddy put bullets into me thinking that I was in love with his wife.

Gabino M. — Mexico City, May 14, 1996

1998, German terrorists attacked the skyscraper where my ex-wife worked. I give thanks to Saint Golotea who gave me courage and strength to secretly infiltrate into, to kill 13 scroungers and save the Nakatomi plaza.

Catarino Carmona was spying on Jasinta swimming naked in the river. But then came her odious father and started shooting at him. He thanks Saint Elias with this retablo because no bullet hit him.

Puebla, 1914

I, Jesus, thank you, St. Eek Yordick, for delivering me from dying. My lover’s husband caught us in the middle of lovemaking, and from the eight bullets he shot seven got to my lover and one hit the wall. I promise not to get involve with married women whose husbands have pistols.

Virgin of San Juan, thank you for saving me from dying being shot by an asshole robber after refusing to give him my schoolbag.

Antonio Montiel
Olivar del Conde, Mexico City
March 10, 2009

Azucena gives infinite thanks to the Virgin of Guadalupe because she’s feeling better. She was stabbed by a client who refused to pay for her services. Now she thanks, and feels good, and works again on this corner, and asks the Holy Virgin, from the bottom of the heart, to always protect her.

January 25, 1990

Saint Sebastian, I dedicate you this [retablo] because my doggies El Canelo and La Negra (Cinnamon and Blackie) saved me from being stabbed by don Pedro’s son who got drunk and found out that I’m not a woman. I’m thankful for this miracle and ask you to look after my doggies, don’t let nothing happen to them.

Sergio-Paola
Mexico City, June 12, 2012