I thank for I have a new boss now who gives me everything—woman and liquor non-stop.

Priest Fidel — Oaxaca, Mexico, 1965

I am thankful to the Blessed Genius who invented Bunnings. These Australian hardware stores have become de facto quee clubs for DIY queers, especially lesbians, to meet each other. On any given weekend the inner Melbourne Bunnings are teeming with cute bitches & masc sorts ogling the power tools, & handsome types lining up for their Bunnings sausages (not a euphemism). It really is homo heaven.

December 31, 1968

When I, full of hope of getting into the United States, crossed the Rio Bravo, I was caught by the migration police. He threatened me with death, pointing his gun in my mouth. I saw that there was no salvation for me, and I implored the Holy Virgin of Guadalupe. I realized what it is to be in a foreign land. I was searched, they took the little i got on me, then they threw me back to the river. I came back, relaying on my luck. I promised to bring you this retablo when I came back to my land. Now I do what I promised because you stayed with me.

Tomas Huerta — Zitacuaro, Michoacan

Chavelita Robledo became a widow. In order to cover the funeral spendings, she began selling hojaldras pastries at the cemetery. The things went very well, and she thanks the Virgin of Juquila with the present retablo for such good luck.

I was left without a job and I couldn’t pay my rent. Then I got an idea to put sexy clothes on and to flirt with my landlord to make him forgive me the payment. I didn’t count, however, that he would be with his wife that day. When she saw me, she went furious. I thank the Holy Lord of Chalma because the landlord managed to calm his wife and they didn’t kick me pit after this. I promise not to have such ideas anymore.

Silvia S. \ Campeche, Mexico

I was very annoyed because my dogs followed me everywhere. But one day I was taking my proceeds to the bank, and a robber with a knife wanted to attack me. My dogs attacked him instead, and he had to ran away, having nothing but some good dog bites. I thank the Virgin of the Rosary because my dogs protect me very well.

Help me, Holy Virgin of Guadalupe, not to fell into the temptation of anorexia and keep following my model career.

Paty Clark

April 21, Blue Demon won the wrestling championship title in a fight. Thanks, Holy Virgin.

11–Dec.–80

One night in the month of May, I was preparing meal to celebrate my wedding anniversary. I decided to make a tortilla soup, although I didn’t know how to cook it. Some time later I didn’t know should I let the soup boil any longer or not. When I lost my hope, I entrusted myself to Saint Paschal Baylon. In his infinite mercy, he enlightened me, and I managed to prepare the soup by leaving it boil just the right time.

Sandra Perez, Mexico City, 2015

Sebastiana Garcia beat the crap out of her old-man who was a very irresponsible skirt-chaser and slacker. She thanks the Merciful Lord with this retablo because her old-man amended his behavior.

Puebla, 1920

Thank you, Virgin of Guadalupe, for delivering my son Felimon from dying in an explosion, when he was preparing “torritos” and one of them exploded hitting the powder keg. Seeing such a misfortune, we implored you to save his life, and we thank you for that.

December 12, 1932

My children’s socks disappeared in a suspicious and alarming way—there was only one sock missing in every pair. I didn’t know what to do. I bought them more socks, but some time later only one sock from every pair remained. Then, one night, I heard some noises from under the bed. I looked there and I saw green demons who were responsible for the socks disappearance. I thank the Virgin of Zapopan for an idea to sprinkle the holy water under the beds. Now my kids have entire pairs of socks because the demons ran away in fright.

Miraculous Virgin of Juquila, thank you for my horse’s broken leg got recovered.

Matias Lopez