Thank you, Virgin of Guadalupe for saving me from my old lady Petronila’s machete, when she furiously attacked me, because I hadn’t been at home for four days, drinking pulque with my buddy El Chipujas. My old lady came and started swinging machete.

Nopaltepec
October 10, 1930

Thank you, Holy Virgin, for saving my son Felipe’s life. When he was leaving a mass he was shot by his friend who was drunk. He had been told that his wife had been cheating on him with Felipe.

Maria
1930, Varrio de la Soledad

I thank Saint Martin de Porres with this retablo for the miracle of me staying away from this vice of alcohol. I stayed in the canteen all day long and didn’t feed my family.

Sra. Josefina Trejo Guzman
April 4, 1979, Manzanillo

A drunk driver in his clunker hit Catarino Suarez, a traffic policeman. Catarina was in bad condition. He thanks the Lord of the Wonders for his recovery.

Mexico, 1949

I went to camp in the mountains alone. The morning I was mortally terrified when I saw an enormous bear near my tent. I thank Saint Francis because the bear entertained himself with my beer cans and fell asleep afterwards so I could escape from this situation unhurt.

Alfonso Tejeda \ Durango, Mexico

Saint Jude Thaddeus, thank you for delivering me of this damaging situation. My wife left me for another man, I was looking to comfort myself with this vice. I was at the point of dying because she doesn’t love me anymore. Your devoted son.

Barrio Norte, Mexico City, 2009

Rodrigo M. and Nicolasa J. were having sex in the barn when suddenly the totally drunk master came. At seeing them, he also stripped down and was about to join them behind Rodrigo. They thank Saint Pancras for they could escape.

Rodrigo Guzman came home drunk and without keys. Therefore he got an idea to break a window with his hand but cut himself so badly that he ended up in the hospital. He thanks the Virgin of San Juan for his recovery and promises to cut back on booze.

One night, after leaving work I went to a bar with my colleagues and drank nonstop. There I met a stunning woman whom I invited to a hotel. I was very excited for being able to score her. I give infinite thanks to Saint Sebastian because, although I was pretty drunk, I realized—before spending a night together—that it was a man dressed like a woman. I promise to be more careful when I’m having fun.

Adrian Gutierrez \ Tijuana, Baja California

November 2, Basilio and Eladio Perez went to the cemetery to drink and met one mister who sat on a grave. He wanted to give them a chest full of gold so they would keep enjoying their sin, but suddenly the brothers realized it was a skeleton who spoke with them. They thank Saint James the Apostle for they managed to escape safe and sound. They promise to cut down on booze and respect the dead.

Oaxaca, 1950

Claudia Perez got pretty drunk and, acting crazy, had a brilliant idea to have sex with her step-dad. But her mother caught them and kicked her out of the house. She thanks Saint Martha with this retablo because she has sobered up and promises to be a better person.

When I came back home after visiting my mother I saw some martians in my bedroom. They were drunk with lemonade. It seems that the lemons had had alcohol effect on the martians and they were in deep sleep. When I scream out of fear, they woke up and escaped through the window to their spaceship. On their way they picked up all the lemons from the trees. I thank the Virgin of San Juan for the martians didn’t do anything to me.

We went to visit our friends. My buddy and I drank tequila while our wives were gossiping about the people in the village. We were coming back late and saw the devil chasing us, of course because we had been bad. In fear we implored Saint Michale the Archangel, and he came to save us from the demon because he knew we weren’t bad people but just that night. The Archangel scared the devil and his horse away and sent them back to hell.